Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Great, now I'm homesick

You Know You're From Pennsylvania When...

You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly." And New Jersey has always been "Jersey."

You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA."

"You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women.

You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne, Punxsutawney, Susquehanna, Allegheny, and Monongahela.

You know what a "Mummer" is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.

You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.

You can't go to a wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance," at least one Polka and either an Italian song (sung in Italian,) or "Hava Nagila."

At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long.

You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.

Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies" and "pocketbook" actually mean something to you.

You can eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same.

You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage (Lebanon Bologna), and Hot Bacon Dressing.

You don't think people from Philly or Pittsburgh talk funny.

You don't understand all the hype about Rolling Rock beer; You've been drinking it for years even though Iron City is better.

You think very little of an Amish buggy on the road.

You learned long ago how to "step carefully" around the buggy tie-ups in the supermarket parking lot.

You can go 2 weeks in winter without sunshine and think this is normal.

You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Virginville, Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns.

There is no such thing as a "Philly Cheesesteak". It's just called a "Cheesesteak."

You know what REAL potpie is.

You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.

Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer

You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."

You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."

You know that chicken corn soup from a fire house is the most nearly perfect food on earth.

You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today," and "They're calling for snow."

You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs.

You think the roads in any other state are smooth.

Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside.

You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield.

You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.

School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.

Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market? Mind if I come with?"

Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a whole nother issue."

When you were a kid and somebody really pissed you off, you said, "I'm gonna deck you!"

You know where to buy "Opera Fudge" and that it has absolutely no connection to the Opera.

The only Jewish people that you've ever met have been from New York or New Jersey.

You love the Phillies (unless they stink) in which case you love the Orioles (unless they stink) in which case you solemnly swear that you've never even liked the Phillies or the Orioles, but have always been a Penn State fan.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pennsylvania.

And because I grew up so close to South Jersey.

You Know You're From South Jersey When...

You don't "go to the beach", you go "down the shore".

You've had arguments over cheesesteak quality.

You or your friends have Lyme Disease.

You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country.

You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 15 of them.

Your neighborhood demonstrates co-existence of African-Americans and racist rednecks.

You know that you should get the hell out of Camden before dark.

Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May.

You buy Shop-Rite brand food at Shop-Rite.

You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle.

You always went to the Franklin Institute when you were a kid.

You're Italian.

You say "water" weird.

Even your school made good Italian subs, but you call them hoagies.

You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.

In the woods behind your house, you can find couches, washing machines, and shoes.

You don't have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood.

You've made a meal out of Tastycakes, Herr's BBQ potato chips, and Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer.

You go to the local Fire Department barbeque in June.

Down the road, in the middle of nowhere, is an Egyptian restaurant and a custard stand with a miniature golf course.

One time, a sea gull shit all over your head.

You know it can be -10 degrees and 70 degrees in January in the same year.

You will always say "YO", and you'll say it often.

You go to another state and sit at a gas station wondering when the people will come out to pump your gas.

You know that no matter how much they put into the Camden waterfront Camden is still Camden.

You have to mail your relocated friends tastykakes.

You think North Jersey is a different state and South Jersey deserves its own secession.

You know where Olga's Diner is on rt 70.

You drive by a farm every time you get in the car.

You know what "jimmies" are and refuse to call them anything else.

You have crossed all 5 bridges into Philly at one point in your life.

You take day trips to Philly to walk on South Street.

Other people dont know what funnel cake and water ice is because everyone else calls it fried dough and slush.

You've ever said the phrase "look at fricken MacGyver over here!"

The term "I think of you as a brother" turns into a whole family tree.

You ever drove all the way to the shore just to walk around for 5 minutes then drive back.

You haven't been able to find a decent stromboli since moving out of South Jersey.

You know that a Jug Handle is both a feature of the highway and a bar that looks like someone's house in Maple Shade.

You lived near a "crick" not a creek.

You never could figure out which was the Black Horse Pike or The White Horse Pike.

You ever cut your foot on a broken bottle in a local stream.

You have to drive at least 30-60 minutes to get to work in order to make more than $10 an hour.

You know what "pulling a camper" means and do it publicly when it is necessary.

You know that a "Yield" sign is merely a suggestion.

Your front yard is made out of stones.

Everything is "twenty minutes away". If you ask how long it takes to get any place in South Jersey, the person always says, "about twenty minutes". To get to a mall, "Oh, about 20 minutes". To get to the airport, "Mmm, about 20 minutes." To get from Runnemede to Philly, "Only about 20 minutes". Try it. Only the shore areas take more than "twenty minutes". They're usually "an hour and twenty minutes."

Your parents gave in and bought you a hermit crab when you were down the shore.

You went to StoryBook Land as a kid.

You haven't moved out of state solely for the reason you know the food is that bad everywhere else.

You live in a "dry town" and every road out of it has a liquor store at the town border.

You come home from college for christmas break and 75% of your HS graduating class is at the same diner you are at 3am.

You've lived in a row home.

Making left turns just doesn't feel right anymore.

You were amazed Moorsetown was on MTV Cribs.

You know Voorhees used to be known as Kirkwood.

You're astounded when a friend that moves tells you there’s not a Wawa nor CVS within a 10 mile radius of them.

Going to New York is a huge trip but Philly is someplace to go when you're bored.

Your whole school knows when each water ice place opens, and the line goes on forever!

You know which places were built on indian burial grounds.

You know all of the "back roads" to get everywhere and prefer them to the expressway.

You can name all the flavors of salt water taffy.

You can smell and know when it's low tide.

You remember the bad gypsy moth years.

You know that you don't put ketchup on boardwalk fries.

You get three 50's in a row when you play skeeball.

Donald Trump is mentioned at least daily in your local paper.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from south Jersey.


Heather said...

I love it! I am a South Jersey girl and this just cracked me up. Now I'm homesick, too!

Anonymous said...

There are only (pron. owney) about (pron. abayout) 5 of those that don't apply to Philly as well. I'd have to add one about soft pretzels, though I suspect that would apply to Jersey as well. Oh, and I can also pronounce "South Jersey" with two syllables in the first word.

No wonder you like Stephanie Plum. (I still have that book for you, just couldn't make it to the last SnB.)