Thursday, October 06, 2005

I'm Still Hungry! And stumbling!

Here's the thing. The boss lady is trying to starve me. Seriously, one teeny tiny scoop of food, two times a day. And it's diet food at that! So of course I have to scrounge for food, it's a matter of survival.

I'm pretty stretchy when I need to be. The boss thinks if she puts the cookies way back on the counter they're safe. But I showed her! No one keeps Lucinda Mae from her chocolate chip cookies. Or her shredded coconut or her pretzel sticks. Even when I had that bald leg that made me hop into walls, I could still reach stuff. I'm just that good.

But lately, the boss has been putting stuff in cabinets and drawers and damn this lack of opposable thumbs! Or maybe it's just my inability to understand the concept of a door. Either way, the important point is that I'M HUNGRY!

Sometimes the boss puts food in her bag, stuff for what she calls "breakfast". And sometimes she forgets to eat it and then forgets to take it out and that's when I make my move. I dump everything on the floor and pick through for the good stuff; you know, snotty tissues, granola bars, lip balm. Mmmm, lip balm, *drool*.

Where was I? Oh yeah, bags and the food that's sometimes in them. So this morning the boss tricked me. I thought she'd left so I was nosing around in that bag where she keeps the stringy stuff and the pointy metal things that aren't good to eat. Somewhere in there was an empty paper bag that had at one time housed a chocolate pumpkin muffin. And we all know how I feel about chocolate. And then...busted! The boss comes back in the front door (note to self: next time wait until she actually closes the door behind her). She sees the situation and takes the empty muffin bag out of the stringy stuff bag. But then she mumbles something about the time and the stuff she's holding and *get this* hands the muffin bag TO ME. And then she left. Really left this time, I waited to make sure.

So I rip up the muffin bag, licking up every crumb and swallowing the really good paper parts. And then I licked the carpet for a while to make sure I didn't miss anything.

That's when it happened. I decided to give the stringy stuff bag one more go through. There had to be a few more crumbs just waiting in that front pocket. Who knew I'd spend the next 6 hours looking like this...

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Once the boss got home and stopped laughing and flashing bright lights in my eyes, she untangled me. I knew there was a good reason I never trusted that stringy stuff...

9 comments:

Ashley said...

That is hilarious! Gotta love dogs.

Sarah said...

The photo says it all!

Kate Lathrop said...

OMG - I'm laughing my head off! Looks like what my lab would do.

Jewels said...

oh man, even Curly is laughing at his funny girlfriend...he should learn a lesson from her predicament...too funny.

Nancy said...

ROFLMAO!

Nancy
http://goteweinstitches.blogspot.com

Luscious Gracious said...

Very, very funny, the photo is priceless. Need to laugh some more? Even after you told me this story earlier today, when I started reading it just now, I was imagining that SARAH was starving YOU on some crazy diet-or-die plan going on at her house.
Must sleep....kiki

Luscious Gracious said...

ps I almost forgot that I was also getting very angry at Sarah because 1). does she not know that you just had a major health dealie and should be on the junk food for health plan at this point to celebrate your immortalilty? and 2) does she not realize that you spend hours every week dodging boxes of human remains (it's possible) on the highway just to get to her house and she should reward you with something other that two lumps of diet food?
Whew, my blood pressure went way the hell through the roof for nothing. Now I really need to find something to blame on Sarah, just to place all this misplaced anger.
kikiagain

Heather said...

That is just too freaking funny! Lucy, you are too much!

myuglysweater said...

sooooo funny! and what a great picture! what is it about dogs? my lucy (husky/lab) decided that it would be a good idea to eat an entire tub of vaseline the other day! i didn't even think to put it away, because what kind of dog would say hmmm, i'm bored, i think i'll eat a cup and a half of vaseline? mine apparently ... oh well, she wasn't happy for a couple of days there, although pretty lubed up! but seriously, hilarious story and pic!