Saturday, November 12, 2005


This afternoon I will be attending a wedding that is a bad idea. I think so, the maid of honor thinks so, the bride's parents and family and friends all think so. Everyone except the bride and groom sees two highly incompatible people getting married for no understandable reason. They are not matched in any way: not intelligence, attractiveness, ambition, substance abuse patterns, social skills or goals in life. It's a slow-motion train wreck and we're all going to stand there and watch.

I actually did that thing you're never supposed to do and said something to the bride-to-be about it. Something of the "Are you sure so-and-so's the one? You don't seem to like him very much." variety. The answer was "But I love the stupid bastard."

Someone once said something similar to me and the fog lifted. I didn't like the guy I was with and all the time and effort I had put into the relationship wasn't going to change that. That one simple statement changed my life and I am grateful for it.

"I don't like to poke my nose in where it doesn't belong but I've noticed something. I've known you for over a year and not once in that time have I heard you say anything positive about Ex."

So I tried the same tack and it didn't work but I'm glad I did and I'm also glad I was able to do so and keep the friendship intact.

Today is not going to be an day where Congratulations and Best Wishes come tripping lightly off the tongue. And I know I'm not going to be the only one there thinking "I hope I'm wrong. I hope I'm missing something and you two will be happy for years and years. But if I'm right, please let me help you. You deserve better than this."


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