Thursday, December 01, 2005

How my mind works

Ok, Christmas is coming up. I'm basically broke and my family has told me not to get them presents. However, I have a yarn stash that could fill a small airplane hanger so I'll just make stuff. How hard can it be?

Alrighty, the blanket is done and Sis approved of it so it's boxed and ready to be mailed home.
Q: Do I really have to mail it? Can't it just fit in my suitcase?
A: Did you look at that thing? If you bring that in your suitcase you'll be wearing the same pair of underwear for 8 days because nothing else will fit. Duh.

Hey, I'm making those red socks. Mom likes socks. They'll be perfect.
Q: Does Mom even wear red? And what size are her feet again?
A: Yes and same as you, dumbass.

Alright, Dad. Did the hat thing. Did the slipper thing. Did the sock thing. Doesn't wear scarves. Doesn't wear sweaters. Fingerless gloves! For when he's working in the garage, etc.!
Q: Do these seem a bit big? And scarily bulky? Like if he wore them near anything with moving parts his entire arm may get pulled in and amputated like those poor clumsy mid-western farmers?
A: Yes, yes and hell yes.

Q: What's with those farmers anyway? Are they really that clumsy or do they just want their inspirational story to be written up for Reader's Digest?
A: Stop procrastinating. 24 days left, you dimwit.

So I'm headed in the right direction then. I just need to revisit the Dad idea and...hey, look at the pretty, pretty sweaters that just appeared from the closet. And look at the little holes and worn spots and really unattractive cowl necks that keep me from wearing them.
Q: Is it logical for me to be recycling sweaters and creating massive piles of thread, chenille bits and assorted lint along with beautiful, beautiful yarn? Isn't the deadline coming up?
A: No, it's not logical and yes the deadline is coming up. But forget it. Trying to keep you on one project is like herding cats. Cats that all got Starbuck's gift cards for their birthdays. I give up. I need a margarita, stat.

What did we learn today, boys and girls? That I am easily distracted and talk to myself a lot? That's correct Sally. That I really should think a bit before starting something willy-nilly? Good job Timmy.

And the most important lesson? That my subconscious has quite a mouth on her.


Kari said...

Scary thing is I was following along and understood it all...

Heather said...

Yep. Exactly what Kari said. Plus, you are freaking funny, Pam. You know that?

ladylinoleum said...

I'm right there with ya girlie. This post is funny! No internal organs for anyone???